Chrissy Teigen is once again showing us that grief does not move in any linear or expected ways. Three months after her pregnancy loss, Teigen’s Instagram feed is full of fun, lighthearted photos of her family vacation in St. Barts. And yet, during a quiet moment on Wednesday night, she posted a photo that shows she is still grieving Jack’s death as well.

“Origami for our Jack!” Teigen captioned a photo of herself snuggling 4-year-old Luna and holding an origami flower. The sad, pensive look on both their faces is contrasted by their festive vacation attire and the gems on Teigen’s face. And that’s just how grief works. You move on sometimes, you feel all the other emotions of life, and then without warning it smacks you in the face again. When that happens, sometimes you need to pause and let it in.

Teigen actually is never without remembrances of the son she lost after about 20 weeks of a complicated pregnancy. In the photo, we can see she’s wearing a bracelet with “Jack” spelled out in beads. She and husband John Legend also got matching tattoos with their late son’s name written in cursive.

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“I definitely give myself permission to feel complete and utter grief,” Teigen told Good Morning America last month. “Every day is so different. So when people ask me how I’m doing I always say, ‘I’m OK — today.’”

Over the last three months, she has demonstrated a variety of ways she and her family cope with this death. It began with her deciding to share photos from the hospital, a signal that she is willing to help normalize grief over pregnancy loss, which has so often been kept silent. She also discussed how they are open about death with Luna and Miles, which strikes us as a healthy attitude for both parents and children.

At the same time, we also know Teigen is struggling too. She revealed this week that she decided to quit drinking a month ago. Whether her loss had led to excessive drinking (in her own assessment) or not, she didn’t say.

“One month ago, on my birthday, I got this book from my doctor and friend,” Teigen wrote on her Instagram Stories on Wednesday, with a photo of Quit Like a Woman, by Holly Whitaker. “I was done with making an ass of myself in front of people (I’m still embarrassed), tired of day drinking and feeling like shit by 6, not being able to sleep.”

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Last week, she also revealed another quiet moment of contemplating what her future as a mother will be like.

“This is me and my body, just yesterday,” she wrote of a photo that showed her still round belly. ” Even though I’m no longer pregnant, every glance in the mirror reminds me of what could have been. I have no idea why I still have this bump, honestly. It’s frustrating. But I’m proud of where this entire journey took my body and mind in other ways. I love being pregnant, so so much, and I’m sad I never will be again.”

We thank Chrissy for reminding everyone that it’s OK to be sad and happy, sometimes in the same minute.

If you or someone you know has experienced a miscarriage, stillbirth, or death of an infant, visit Share Pregnancy and Infant Loss Support to find local support groups and other resources to help cope through this difficult time.

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